So, as all of you know, my alma mater, the University of Illinois, retired its controversial mascot, Chief Illiniwek, last week. There are no planned replacements, so Illinois will soon join the legion of Big Ten teams without a mascot.
This disappoints me, if only because the University did not listen to the replacement I advocated while a student and continue to advocate now. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you what ought to be the new symbol of the University of Illinois Fighting Illini: the Drinkin' Lincoln.
The list of virtues of the Drinkin' Lincoln is endless. Illinois, after all, trumpets its status as the Land of Lincoln, so why shouldn't its state university celebrate the man who is arguably our nation's greatest president? The mascot would also fall into the "hilarious" category of non-live mascots, which is clearly the best kind. Just think of it: Abe Lincoln, with one of those beer helmets rigged up to his oversized top hat, doing pushups after every Illinois touchd...ok, well, so maybe he wouldn't do many pushups. But just imagine him getting passed up the student section.
And, as you can see, it doubles as edgy political satire. Angry at U of I for getting rid of the Chief in favor of that every present bogeyman called "political correctness"? Replace him with a good natured, but still somewhat offensive mascot! Critical of any of Lincoln's policies or just looking for commentary on the state of our presidency by this almost mocking take on an illustrious president? Then this mascot's for you!
Truly, the Drinkin' Lincoln is the mascot of the future for the University of Illinois. Now, if only people would listen to me...
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3 comments:
This is a much better mascot for the school to adopt.
http://www.dartmouth.edu/~jacko/keggy/Keggy_1_big.JPG
I know, I've been trying to get Mo State to change it's mascot to the Missouri State Beers, and use Keggy.
Just steal him from Dartmouth. They won't care.
That's a little too overt for a school that won't sell beer in its stadium, though. At least the University could officially pretend Lincoln's drinking soda. Or O'Douls.
Cumberland College (my alma mater, currently The University of The Cumberlands) were the Indians until about September 13th, 2001, at which point we became the Patriots. Great, just flippin' great. I preferred the Fightin' Baptists, myself.
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